Monday, April 14, 2014

You might be a New Republican if.. (Installment 1043)

From our friend J.O.B.

1- If you believe that the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting was an elaborate hoax perpetrated by Liberal oppressors in order to take your guns away, you may be a new Republican.

2- If you will do anything within your power to defend the rights of an eight week old fetus, then fight to put an end to programs that may feed a three year old child, you may be a new Republican.

3- If you compare gay marriage to zoophilia and use that as an excuse to trample basic civil rights of homosexuals, you may be a new Republican.

4- If you believe the Koch brothers are true American freedom fighters spending hundreds of millions of dollars tirelessly fighting for your liberty, you may be a new Republican. And an idiot!

5- If you argue that an ex-convict in Chicago should not have the right to vote, but an ex-convict in Chattanooga should be able to exercise his/her second amendment rights, you may be a new Republican.

6- If you argue against marijuana legalization while finding nothing wrong with opium based pain killers, you may be a new Republican. And if you find no link to these pain killers and the sudden surge in heroin usage, you may be blind.

7- If you are anti abortion and pro death penalty, you may be a new Republican. Not too mention a hypocrite. According to your own "good book", both souls are filled with sin.

A couple of my own thrown in for good measure:

1. If you believe in atomic energy, but deny atomic decay can be used to determine the age of ancient artifacts, you might be a New Republican

2. If you deny that animals with more useful traits are more likely to survive and breed (that's the essence of natural selection), you might be a New Republican (e.g. if you deny evolution, you might be a New Republican).

3. If you deny there is sufficient scientific research confirming the relatively simply concept of natural selection, but then believe in things like irreducible complexability (a concept disproven at the Dover Trial on Evolution), or any of the other crack-pot ideas for which there is nearly zero scientific research, you might be a New Republican.

and one from me - our first 'you might be a New Republican' visual:

1. If you would actually have this in your yard, and use it with pride, you might be a New Republican.

2.  You might be a new Republican if you superstitiously believe that the lunar eclipse / blood moon tomorrow night signals the end of the world.  You might also be really poorly educated, and exceedingly stupid.

Here is radical religious righties contradictory comments, via USA Today:
He cites Acts 2:19-20 as a sign: "And I will show wonders in Heaven above and signs in the Earth beneath, the sun shall be turned into darkness and the moon into blood before the coming of the great and awesome day of the Lord."
In extensive remarks available online on his interpretation of the Blood Moons, Hagee says, "I believe that the heavens are God's billboard, that He has been sending signals to planet Earth, and we just haven't been picking them up."
He adds: "God is literally screaming at the world: 'I'm coming soon.'"
A spokesman for the televangelist said tells USA TODAY on Monday that Hagee "has not associated the blood moons with the end of days."

3. You might be a New Republican, if you obsess over reproductive body parts:

1 comment:

  1. I'm not sure about their being a New Republican, but people who are nodding, "yes" to your list, ARE assholes.