Tuesday, June 7, 2011

An Open Letter to Anthony Weiner and Men Everywhere

Dear Congressman Weiner and Men Everywhere,
from Dog gone:

On behalf of the women of the world, we really do not want to see pictures of your penis, not realistic photos, and certainly not photo shopped ones.  It doesn't matter if you have some shred of subtlety left in your soul, and only snap a shot in your shorts, or if you take the picture naked.

It isn't really all that exciting for anyone but yourself.  Unlike the display of an unfurled tail of a peacock, it is not particularly pretty, and it is never as impressive as you think it is.

It's not just you, Congressman; this is the age of 'sexting', it is widespread.  When my friend Amy was recently divorced, even before the divorce was final, her ex-husband's friends were sending her pictures of that part of themselves.  Not just one or two, but many of them - and these were her husband's FRIENDS.

The fact is, that with the possible exception of these guys unless you can be as witty, entertaining, and funny, when next you get the urge, unless you've been specifically requested to do so --- just don't.

Just DON'T. 

A good rule to remember? If it wouldn't be fun to look at with a bowl of popcorn, if it isn't something - like the penis puppeteers have done - to show off to your mothers while performing on a stage, DON'T DO IT.

I'm not a prude. It has nothing to do with prudery, and everything to do with how differently we see you from how you see yourselves. Your wives or girlfriends will thank you for not embarrassing yourselves and them.  The painful truth is, when we women get together and talk among ourselves, we laugh at you and talk about sex toys that are more satisfying alternatives, however much we love you (and we do love our husbands or partners).  We also tend to laugh at all the boner pill ads, to be fair. 

You might want to rethink giving your 'bits' pet names too; those tend to come in for a share of the laughter.

So whether you are a Congressman, or just the pool boy or the pizza delivery guy, whether you are rich and famous, or politically powerful, or a failure living in your parent's basement, whether you know us or whether we are strangers, please, not by twitter, not by email. not by any other means do NOT send us photos of your penis. 

PLEASE.

We'll be happier, and you'll have a lot fewer embarrassed apologies to make.

P.S.  We're really not all that thrilled about unsolicited photos of your other body parts either.

4 comments:

  1. A penis? Isn't that like a prick, but smaller?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not in the allegedly photshopped photos of Congressman Weiner...

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  3. Dear women,

    Do the exact opposite of what Doggone has said.

    Signed,
    The Men :P

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Jim, welcome to Penigma, and thank you for the delightful laugh.

    I'm relieved you don't expect women however to perform any of the same contortions as the penis puppet performers.

    I don't want to contemplate in print what the alternatives might be.........

    ReplyDelete