Sex SCARES Tea Partiers and other Bigots! Apparently no one ever explained the facts of life to them.

Two Salon stories caught me by surprise, each trying to outdo the other in maximizing offensive conservative remarks.

The first Salon piece was about a nut-job state Representative from Maine, Larence Lockman, (shock - he's an old hateful white guy) who has said and written things like this on the subject of HIV/AIDS:

" Lockman changed his focus away from avoiding taxes and towards spreading lies about the AIDS epidemic. In 1987, he is quoted in the Bangor Daily News as implying that HIV and AIDS could be spread by bed sheets and mosquitoes. [...]"

and this, on rape and abortion:

“If a woman has (the right to abortion), why shouldn’t a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman? At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.”

and on the topic of discrimination against LGBT people:

“about militant homosexual demands for special status.” He insisted that the anti-discrimination measures were part of a secret plan for gay affirmative action.

“You can bet the rent money they will demand that employers set up goals and timetables to achieve 10 percent homosexual representation in the workforce and in government contracts,” Lockman wrote in an op-ed in the Lewiston Sun Journal.

So, what cold top that? Another story from Salon today this one about Judson Phillips of the Tea Party Nation, where he raises the boogey-man /straw-man argument that Arizona is under threat from ........cakes shaped like penises. (You can't make up stuff like this.):

“Should a devote [sic] baker be required to create a cake for a homosexual wedding that has a giant phallic symbol on it or should a baker be required to create pastries for a homosexual wedding in the shape of genitallia [sic]?” Phillips asks.

Jughead Phillips didn't stop there though -- how could he be expected to control himself? THAT is the behavior that the right ONLY demands from OTHER PEOPLE!  He waxed further insane :

“Or should a photographer be required to photograph a homosexual wedding where the participants decide they want to be nude or engage in sexual behavior? Would they force a Jewish photographer to work a Klan or Nazi event? How about forcing a Muslim caterer to work a pork barbeque [sic] dinner?”
Ultimately, Phillips concludes, SB 1062 was never just about “the story of a cowardly governor who has no core beliefs.” On the contrary, SB 1062 was, in Phillips telling, “the story of liberalism at work in America.”

I don't know how to express this to Jughead Phillips, but this is not a concern he should be having particularly about GAY MEN wanting such a cake. The reality is that heterosexual women have been ordering up cakes like these, or making their own, for girls nights out together, bachelorette parties before a wedding, and just for naughty fun, for sex toy parties and tupperware selling get-togethers.  These are not female hookers, they include moms and grandmas, and even a pretty good representation of lady Sunday School Teachers.

There are FAR more straight women than there are gay men - IF you need something to worry about.  You SHOULD be afraid, not of deserts, but of angering these women by messing with their constitutional rights, not raising the minimum wage or paying them the same compensation as men for the same work, and by giving them grief over their contraception and reproductive health.  The response to THAT should scare the beJESUS out of you, Jughead Phillips.

You can buy every size and shape and position of penis cake pan that you can imagine (and maybe some you haven't imagined). You can also buy cake pans/ gelatin molds for butt cheeks, women's breasts and torsos, and exaggerated lips suggestive of either kissing or oral sex. There are cookie cutters, also in every conceivable penis size and shape and position, as well as a large variety of ice cube molds for the same range of things, and of course candles designed to go with food too..

ALL OF THESE ARE WIDELY AND ACTIVELY MARKETED TO HETEROSEXUAL WOMEN.  This is not new; the earliest one of these kind of male representations that I've come across for modern bakery projects dates back to at least the 1930s.  It would not surprise me to find they were made earlier This is NOT the result of some late 20th or early 21st century decadent homosexual agenda.

The only difference now is that one of these penis pastries or accessories to celebration might light up with flashing LED colors, or glow in the dark, or perhaps play an MP3 audio file.  Heck, given some of the extraordinary more mainstream cakes I've seen just on facebook, it wouldn't surprise me if someone pushed the envelope of the possible, and made a cake actually dance.   (Don't get me started on what is available in soap shapes.)

If a few gay men hypothetically wanting to order such a cake or cupcakes, or cookies, etc.s cares this fool so badly he feels a desperate need to pass protective legislation, I can only imagine the much greater terror a bunch of happy, strong, sexually aware and active heterosexual women could create in Jughead Phillips old, shriveled gray heart, inside his pale, wrinkled, shrunken chest.

Here are just a few examples, in metal or silicone, to lie flat, or with two pans that clip together for a 3D upright version, and for groups:

This is by no means an exhaustive sampling of what is readily available from mainstream sources, not sex supply specialty vendors.

It is time, and past time for the silly buggers in the tea party and the GOP, in Arizona and the rest of the nation, to grow up and stop acting like an anal retentive 13 year old, obsessed but also scared to death of sex. We live in a real world, with anatomically accurate items, and where people enjoy sex and sexuality, without that making them weird, or scary or perverse. The rest of us are not going back with you into the darkness, so come out into the light with the rest of the normal adults, both hetero and LGBT.

Fear mongering nonsense and outright lies about combination sex videos and wedding videography, or the silly notion that someone who is Jewish or Muslim could be forced to serve pork, if that is not normally on their menu, or the other ludicrous hypotheticals is as disconnected as every other tragically faulty, alternate fact-deficient reality that comprises the nightmare delusion you live in.  We don't legislate, in any state or territory, on this kind of silly delusion.

But adjust or not, the cold hard reality is that the Puritans were in vogue back in the 16th and 17th century; Puritans are NOT calling the shots or the prevailing influence that passes the laws NOW.  THAT is a GOOD thing.