Friday, February 28, 2014

Update: What Bakeries Have Been Charging for Penis Cakes, going back to 2004 or earlier......BEFORE LEGAL GAY MARRIAGE and PRO-DISCRIMINATION LAWS

It's always fun to laugh at the follies and failures of the fearful Tea Party ideology.

Previously I wrote about the terror experienced by Judon Phillips of the Tea Party Nation at the prospect of bakeries being asked to make penis cakes for gay weddings.  (Oh! NO! Run away!)

In the case of the radical right wing fringe extremist hysteria over saving public decency from 'the gays', it has been great fun debunking the false assumptions and factual deficiencies and deficiencies of reasoning they demonstrate to us on a daily basis.

After the feedback of readers here and on social media of people telling me what penis-cookery-items they happened to own (pasta, ice cube forms, full individual pans,cupcake pans, cookie cutters, candles, pasta, and so on) I decided to take a look at how many bakeries ALREADY offer penis cakes as part of their products and services on offer.  And that service is already available in Tennessee - home of the Tea Party Nation bigots, AND in Arizona!

You can also order cakes in the shape of the Vorpal Bunny from the Monty Python Movie, "The Holy Grail" aka the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog.  Although, I haven't seen one that came in a rainbow pattern inside, but I'm sure it is possible, although it might cost extra.  Or dragons, including wedding cakes.  Or Daleks.  The range of possibilities is literally endless.

It turns out that commercially baked and decorated penis cakes are available in most states, with local service for most, and shipping available in-state or from bakeries coast to coast.  LITERALLY penis cakes and other edible penile novelties are available coast to coast, as in New York to Seattle and Los Angeles to Miami.  They're rather pricey, too, with prices as far back as a decade ago ranging from $85 to $125 (no information on how many people the cake is intended to serve).

Overwhelmingly, the marketing for these products was to women who were organizing stagette/bachelorette parties as part of heterosexual weddings, and for women to give as gifts to their spouses and boyfriends, or for the men to give to their wives or girlfriends, with a far smaller number actively marketing to gay or bi-sexual men.  (It stands to reason, penis cakes would not be in demand for Lesbian weddings.)

So not only is there a surprisingly large business in selling the means to make your own, as well as some quite remarkable commercially made edible penis products, but there is even a sizable 'how to' segment of the interwebs dedicated  to what the heck else you can do with the darned pans, cookie cutters, etc., once the original use is over.  There are how-to's that show you how to take the phallic cake and frost it so that it looks like the head of a happy cartoonish green alligator, or a wizard, balloons, fireworks, space aliens, a barn with happy little animals scampering about and even a Christmas tree - proving those who bake such cakes are moms (and dads, and even grandparents) with kids, and even Christians repurposing their sex cake cookery items to celebrate the greatest Christian holiday, the virgin birth of Jesus. 

Those penis cake pans are really for the whole family!  Family Values through penis cakes -- Hurrah!

So much for the great nonsense of having to save the citizens of the great state of Arizona from the dread PENIS CAKES.  Isn't it a great relief to know that NO BAKERY has to offer this service if they don't want to -- but that there are plenty of bakeries already providing that service WITHOUT A PRO-DISCRIMINATION LAW for protection!

Oh, and if you are having any problems with how to keep your rainbow colors from running together on one of your cakes, there are LOTS AND LOTS of how to directions on the internet for that.

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